That she had been standing….
Facing her Biggest fear
and had found
Her greatest GIFT.–jd 11/08/13
It happens like that sometimes. The changing of perspective. As a very young girl, I remember being alone. (I spent a LOT of time alone.) And as I grew up and became a woman, the being alone became my biggest fear. I didn’t want to live alone. I didn’t want to sleep alone. I didn’t (don’t) want to DIE alone (still working on that one.) But here is the thing….
Being alone is a GIFT.
As I was journaling this morning, I realized that all of my life I have longed for love, and what I didn’t understand until today, is that….that longing for love outside of myself was never going to be satisfying. Within me there is a well of love that is so deep, and so giving and so nurturing, yet I built a wall between it and myself hoping against hope that someone would come along who could tear that wall down and bring that love to me. I have looked at that love and thought that it was totally inaccessible to me.
Subconsciously, I have been removing pieces of that wall. Healing my sore places. Letting go of anger, guilt, and shame. (Which I don’t mind telling you is a CRUSHING burden to carry.) Moving aside those things that have kept me on the “outside” of that love.
But today…..today I tasted that love….