My morning time….the two hours between 5 and 7 am (usually) are the best two hours of my day. That’s the time that I sip my coffee, do my meditation and journaling, and commune with the Creator. It really sets the tone for my day.
This morning I sat down to meditate, and put some Chakra healing meditation music on. My heart has been heavy the past couple of days because of a conflict between myself and a friend of mine. I won’t go into details, but I will say that even though I was offered an apology, I still had a difficult time reconciling it in my head. As I was praying, I asked God to help me find the most loving way that I could resolve the issue. And God answered. I was suddenly aware of my own guilt in the situation, and that I had not apologized for that. So, I sent a message to the other person involved, acknowledging my own guilt and asking them to forgive me. Immediately, my heart-felt lighter and I felt healing on the inside. The tears flowed in gratitude to the answer of my heartfelt prayer. I also realized, that forgiveness might not be granted, but I was okay with that. I had forgiven…not just the other person but myself. Good News….I was forgiven from them, as well.
It occurs to me that perhaps we don’t always look for the most loving resolution to conflict. In most instances, in doing that, we have to admit to some guilt on our own part and we are often reluctant to do that. But I know …speaking strictly for myself….that I have to accept responsibility for my own actions if I am to be the person I want to be.
Being true to the person I AM, has been foremost in my thoughts these days. I like who I am, but it is a tentative relationship at best. There is no blame…no excuses ….no justifications allowed if I make a mistake. I must admit that I made a mistake and then try again and in the trying again, I forgive myself and go on.
It has taken me a long time to get here….but it has been worth every step of the way. Not to say that I won’t make mistakes….because I am sure I will…I am only human after all…:)