I went to the farmer’s market in Cobden this morning to get some fresh veggies. It is a very small place and not a far drive from home. It was just a little before 8:00 a.m. when I left, and very humid out. So humid in fact, that it was foggy in places.
At one point on the road there, I come to an area where I am driving through woods, and the trees meet over the road. With the fog, it was all very mysterious looking and (my vivid imagination kicked into high gear) I wondered what would be on the otherside of the fog. Would what I EXPECT be there? Or would it somehow morph into something totally unknown? Of course, it was what I expected, but in those few moments of wondering….my imagination took me to many different scenarios. And then I wondered about that….
In my life, most of my adult life anyway, I have thought that I did not have a vivid imagination. That I was NOT creative. Oh sure, give me a pattern and I can make just about anything, but to come up with something totally my idea…well that just didn’t seem to be within the realm of my capabilities.
I know now that I was wrong.
I remember as a child and then as a teenager, writing stories and poetry…imagining scenarios….thinking thoughts that were uniquely mine. And then…when I was 20….I grew up. Fast. The poetry went out the window. The creative thinking went out the window. Nothing had turned out the way I thought it would, so I struggled just to get through, spending the greater portion of the next 35+ years just struggling to get through. Not that I was miserable or even unhappy during that time. Lots of good things happened, but that creative part…that was hidden, buried under real life.
The creative “me” has been struggling to get out in the past few years. I have been allowing it to come to the surface on occasion and have been impressed with some of those results. Yet, I still push it down and refuse to give it free reign. Perhaps I am afraid. Ok. Yes, I am afraid. Not of failure…I have done that many times….but afraid of success. As Cruz states in the movie Coach Carter:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”
This quote, originally written by Marianne Williamson resonates with me. In my quest to live Fearlessly I think I have to internalize this and let the creativity take over….