For the past year (plus or minus a few months) I have been trying to take responsibility for my own emotional well being by being aware of my thoughts and feelings in each moment. I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my thoughts cause my own suffering, and I am much more aware of my thoughts these days and am acquiring the ability to re-direct my thoughts when they go down the wrong path. (I am by no means perfect at this, but better than I have ever been.)
This morning as I was writing in my journal, I was thinking about how certain words can trigger an immediate emotional response. Case in point: the word “Christian.” Some of the most difficult and hurtful things that I have been through in my life, have involved people who have defined themselves as “good Christians.” Intellectually, I know that they were/are just people who were doing what they thought was right in that moment of time, and that I have judged them as being wrong. (This is the tough part.) I am just in this moment (as I am typing this) realizing that I have judged them and found them wrong. And for that I am sorry. Each one of us makes choices that defines our place in the world, and it is not for anyone else to judge whether those choices are right or wrong.
And now back to my original point…..
My judgement of them has been the emotion behind my “cringing” at the word Christians. I…not them…have been the one to attach the negative energy to that word for me, and only I can change that.
Perhaps this whole thought process has been instigated by my interactions with the Christian people that I work for. This past week, I have been blessed with help by the selfless acts of some of those Christians, and I am uncomfortable at thinking of that word in a negative way when they have proven the opposite for me.
Thank you God for helping me see this in a “new” light…..