I have learned a new trick.
Ok let me back up here for a moment. Sometimes, I have a difficult time maintaining my peace and joy. Ok…not just sometimes but MOST of the time. I have struggled with living alone now for quite some time and it is always more difficult during the winter. The cold. The lack of sun. Some of it might be seasonal but it isn’t the entire issue. I read. I pray. I meditate. I listen to every positive energy speaker that I find. Yet, none of it has worked for very long. (Long meaning more than a day or two.)
That was until I learned my trick.
I have been reading a book on spiritual psychology called “Loyalty to Your Soul” by H. Ronald Hulnick. (I HIGHLY recommend it!) He talks in terms of the ego and the higher self, which he labels your “Authentic Self”. Meaning, that is the part that was created by God and is ONLY love in its nature. (This is often referred to by others as your “higher self”, your superego, Christ conciousness…it goes by many labels.) It isn’t the first time I have read about this “authentic self.” But, it is the first time I have really internalized it. I see myself as being TWO beings…my Authentic self and my Ego self. The ego self is the one that “sees” pain and stress and upset. The authentic self knows none of this because it was created in LOVE and is only LOVE.
When I find myself experiencing my ego….being down, lonely, sad, whatever negative emotion it might be, I CONSCIOUSLY switch to where my authentic self is. I find myself being flooded with feelings of love and peace. I have been going home at night in a better state of mind than the normal dread that I previously experienced. I have accomplished more art. I have been reaching out to those around me on a more conscious level. All of this, and I have been physically ill. (Just a head cold…but for someone who is almost never sick…it seemed HUGE.) And its been five days of it. Five days of peace for me is a miracle.
My hope is, that one day I will just live in my authentic self. For the first time, it seems attainable.